In the Name of Allah, the Merciful, the Gracious

As-Salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullaahi wa Barakaatuhu

ISLAMIC

RESEARCH AND INFORMATION CENTRE

The Concept of Marriage

Meaning and Importance:

Marriage is the Commitment, observed in a community, made by a man and a woman in front of two honest and responsible witnesses with the permission of the woman’s father or guardian (wali).

When the marriage is organized between a man and a woman, it means they both are bound to observe the following Commitments:

1)      Mutual care and co-operation

2)      Mutual love and respect    

3)      To be sincere, honest and faithful to each other

4)      To fulfill the legitimate physical and emotional demands and needs of each other           

5)      To discharge the responsibilities and liabilities of not only each other but also their children to come

To build a peaceful and happy family, these Commitments must be observed by the couple. Thus it proves that marriage is not just a road to fulfill sexual desires, but also a support and security not just to husband and wife, but also to the children to come. And this support and security is imperative for the health and welfare of not just individuals, but also families. Therefore, Islam has given much importance to marriage and forbidden pre-marital and extra-marital courtship and sex since they threat the Commitments towards family.

Many of our so-called civilized friends ask why pre-marital and extra-marital courtship and sex are so disliked by Islam. We would like to inform them that the person involved in pre-marital courtship and sex indicates his/her irresponsibility towards the Commitments of marriage and shows his/her non-control over his/her illegitimate and unreasonable desires and feelings. Besides the indications of irresponsibility to the Commitments and of surrendering to unlawful desires, the person involved in extra-marital courtship and sex will certainly affect his familial life incurably. Due to extra- marital courtship and sex, spouse is deserted or neglected, children are forsaken, and homes are broken. So, Islam forbids both pre-marital and extra-marital courtship and sex. Moreover, the pre-marital and extra-marital courtship and sex can be harmful to man’s health and wealth.

The Other Aspects of Islamic Marriage

1)      Man is advised to choose his female partner on the basis of religious devotion, not on the bases of her job, physical attraction, wealth or family status. This is necessary for the well-being and welfare of man, his family and the society. Prophet Muhammed said: “The world is full of resources. The best of all resources of the world is the righteous woman.” (Saheeh Muslim)

2)      Islam has given Muslim woman liberty to accept or reject any marriage proposal. Parents have no right to force her to accept or reject any marriage proposal. Since it is she who has to live with her husband, so, it is she who shall decide whom she wants to take as her husband. Allah’s Messenger said:

“A matron should not be given in marriage except after consulting her, and a virgin should not be given in marriage except after her permission.” (Saheeh Bukhari)

Khansa bint Khizam Al-Ansariya says that her father gave her in marriage when she was a matron and she disliked that marriage. So she went to Allah’s Messenger and he declared the marriage invalid.  (Saheeh Bukhari)

3)      Islam has not given man any right of demanding dowry in any form. Instead, Islam gives woman a right of demanding dowry (Mahr) from her suitor according to her standards. If she wishes to disregard this right accept him with a little dowry, she may do so. Mahr is a security to woman in emergencies. This shows Islam’s concern about women since she requires more care and security.

In non-Islamic dowry system, woman has no right to demand any Mahr (security) from man. Instead, it encourages men to demand dowry from women. This has made girl a burden for her parents. Not only marriages, but also marital life has become difficult for women. Everyday, many women are tortured and killed just for dowry. How shameful act it is! - Torturing and killing one’s own family member and life partner for money.

4)      Marriage must be organized as simple as possible. It must not be an affair of extravagance, nor must it be full of rituals.

5)      In Islamic marriage, there is no restriction of age, race, nationality, colour, language and social status between the couple. The only restriction is of Religion, which is imposed for the well-being of Muslims.

6)      After marriage ceremony, a reception party (walima) must be organized by the groom. Poor and indigent people must also be invited to the party along with relatives and friends of both sides. No rituals must be organized in the party.

This is the concept of marriage in Islam. This is, no doubt, in favour of both individuals and society. But leaving Islam, people torture one another.

Islam has forbidden Muslims to wed with atheists, polytheists and infidels. Because a person who submitted himself to the Will of Allah, cannot live with those who join others with Allah or who do not even believe in Him. Even if they had been allowed to marry them, the marriages would not have survived for a long time because of differences in thoughts and in the way of living. And Islam does not want that. Islam wants to build marital relation on sound foundations. Yet Islam has allowed Muslim males to take monotheist Christian or Jewish girls into their wedlock, and prohibited Muslim females to marry any other than Muslims. Here, one may ask why it is so.

History bears witness that men have been using women as slaves and sexual objects. In olden days, men used, used and misused women for their personal gains. Women had no freedom and no rights. Women were toys in the hands of men. Men used to play with them as they wished. In modern days, when women, having fed up with men’s tortures and restrictions, raised voice for their freedom and rights, men invented some new ways to use them. They gave them freedom and some rights to keep her quiet, and imposed financial burden, which was men’s part of responsibilities, on them along with all the work that they (women) used to do before. Today, women are being used more than that they used to be used before, but in the most civilized manner. Moreover, in olden days, she was just used, but in modern days, she is not just used, but also thrown (divorced) when man lose interest in her. When this has been men’s behaviour with women, how can Islam let a Muslim woman to be used and thrown? Moreover, in the enmity and hatred against Islam, Muslim women could have been victimized. So, to save women from men’s tortures and illegitimate restrictions and demands, Islam prohibited Muslim females to marry any non-Muslims.

Islam asked men to change their attitude towards women. Muslim males were told “Woman is not man’s slave, nor is she a sexual object, nor is she inferior to man, she is man’s partner.” Allah says:

1)      “O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another. Verily, the most honourable of you with Allah is that who is the most righteous. Verily, Allah is All-Knowing, All-Aware.” (49: 13)

2)      “And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable, but men have a degree over them. And Allah is All-Mighty, All-Wise.” (2: 228)

It means “O man! You must respect and love her as she does to you. You must care and co-operate with her as she does with you. You must meet her physical and emotional needs and demands as she does yours. You must discharge the responsibilities and liabilities of her on you as she discharges yours on her.”

Islam has strictly ordered man to look after woman, meeting her legitimate physical and emotional needs and demands. So a Muslim woman can be safer with a Muslim man.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED © NOORUL HUSSAIN K. 2004